he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
