you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
