You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
