The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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