My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
