Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
