There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
