hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
