He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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