i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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