Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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