we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
