that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize