I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Boobs are out for the taking
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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