I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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