you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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