There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
