The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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