Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
