I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
