well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
