I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
