the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
