You can't motorboat a personality
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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