remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize