I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
