shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize