Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm at about main and main street
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
