We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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