Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
