Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
