he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
