This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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