she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
