Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
