Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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