i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
