if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
