he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
