We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
