I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
