ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
