and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Two words: nipple clamps
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