Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
