I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
