First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
