apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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