eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we're so committed to being not committed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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