paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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