Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize