I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
