Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
