Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
