PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
