marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
