I bet he comes in French.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
