She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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