I want to make a zoo with you.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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