great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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