I can text with my tongue
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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