I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
