your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
