On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
