best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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