I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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