I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
