Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I FOUND THE LEGS
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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