so that wasnt chicken after all
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
