I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
