Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
