I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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