Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
