Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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