His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize