I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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