Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
