You can't special order awesome
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
