it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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