It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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