Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
