I must be too annoying 4 u.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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