she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
