You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
thus making me awesome and them whores
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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