question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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