I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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