the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
